Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
