he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
