My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
