dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
