He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
