Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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