Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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