Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
