you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
