I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
