I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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