RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
