Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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