im drinking this country out of the recession.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
