I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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