what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
