I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize