I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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