I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize