mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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