is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
