there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
