Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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