3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
