We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
