Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
