idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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