where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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