forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
