i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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