His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
