Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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