Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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