Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
