i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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