The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize