So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
