I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What drink are we having for lunch?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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