We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
