ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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