Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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