You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
