Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
