i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
