i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
