All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
