That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
