We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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