he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
