i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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