allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Acid is not a monday night drug
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
