I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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