If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
