we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
