The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
