There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
