wakey wakey hands off snakey
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
