I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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