Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
