help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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