I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
