I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
